Red Riding Hood

I just watched "Red Riding Hood", staring Gary Oldman and Amanda Seyfried and directed by Catherine Hardwick of "Twilight" fame, and before I review I must first take this moment to say....

WHAT THE FUCK.

I wasn't expecting anything good. The previews looked amazing, but in a "wow, that's really damn pretty" sort of way, not in a "wow, that looks like it has a fantastic plot" sort of way.

Still, I thought it would be decent.

.......NOPE.

The man responsible for the stellar script is David Johnson, who also wrote "Orphan"....which was actually not a terrible movie. However, he has only written two films besides that, one of which is not out yet and is "Clash of the Titans 2", which is SURE to be epic. A PINNACLE of good writing. Oh yea.

All of the actors had difficulty speaking their lines convincingly, that is how bad the dialogue was. The only person who managed to do so was Gary Oldman, who is such a good actor that he carried it off without difficulty, even with such lines as "The beast may be strong, but God is stronger! God is stronger!", hollered while charging a werewolf down on a horse, sword brandished in the air.

Amanda Seyfried did NOT manage, which disappointed and surprised me, considering that in the film "Mean Girls" she managed to carry off the line "My breasts can tell when it's going to rain. Well....they can tell when it's raining." After a line like that, one would think she could handle anything, but this movie proved to be too much for her.

It's worth a watch if you're a fan of faerie tales, like me, and enjoy seeing the different spins that can be put on them, but if I were you, I'd skip the last ten minutes. It is plain and utter bullshit, and does not make sense at all as far as the rest of the film goes. It's as if the writer wanted a specific ending, so he changed all the rules that the film had established. Stupid.

PS- take into consideration that, as often happens, the best character continually gets the shaft.

PPS- LOVE Catherine Hardwick's oh-so subtle nod to "Twilight" with Peter's fantastic swoopy hair, styled in his best Rob Pattinson impression. It's as if she couldn't handle all the period clothing and needed to stick something modern in there SOMEHOW.

Sucker Punch

Yes, I finally saw it. I very badly wanted to see this film in theatres, even though every review I read said that it was total crap (many times, it didn't even rate a single star). The review in my town's particular newspaper said that this film was full of rape fantasies that would only be enjoyed by lovers of Japanese schoolgirl anime/manga. I believe needless to say (but obviously I am saying it anyway), I found that a bit offensive and it only made me want to see it more, just to see on what basis the film critic would say this.

Honestly, I do not understand at all what made him think this. Yes, the film is rather like an anime. I thought this at many times. Though anime can have a lot in common with normal books and/or movies, this did smack more often of an actual anime....unsurprisingly, since it was written and directed by Zack Snyder, the man who gave us 'Watchman' and '300', both based off of graphic novels. For the record, I never saw 'Watchman' (I was going to, but with only a tepid interest in it and the movie clocking in at over three hours, I couldn't bring myself to do so), and I positively hated '300'. One could choke on the testosterone in that film.

'Sucker Punch', on the other hand, does have many anime cliches (girls in schoolgirl outfits and skimpy leather clothes wielding katanas and large guns). There is even one scene featuring a giant mecha. And one could even argue with the plot. The film critic for my town newspaper certainly did. But he sounded confused by it, which I don't understand.

A brief synopsis (without {hopefully} giving away too much):

A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather. She begins retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy. In this alternate world, she is an orphan, turned over to work in a brothel.

She and her fellow workers must dance to lure in customers, but when she dances, she imagines herself in another world....a world in which she is a warrior, fighting for her freedom. She creates a real plan, one to escape the brothel, and enlists her friends in this bid for freedom, using her dancing to help guide her way.

Still following? Hope so. The critic in our paper didn't seem to make it past the first story jump, from the girl, BabyDoll (we never learn her true name, only the name she takes on in the world of the brothel) going into her alternate reality of the brothel. He complained of the three storylines, saying they didn't make sense. The first skip didn't confuse me. The second one had me faltering....when BabyDoll jumped from dancing to warrior mode for the first time, I was a little lost. But then she returned, and it was clear that when she danced, she lost herself in this other realm, freeing herself from the world she "lived" in, a world of imprisonment.

I don't know why the alternate reality she chose (the brothel) would have been one of imprisonment....perhaps BabyDoll felt so stifled by her circumstances (the loss of her mother, her step-father's abuses) that she could imagine no other escape but one of yet another entrapment.

To return to the film critic's comment about "rape fantasy"....I just don't understand. Yes, this takes place in a brothel, so there is a lot of reference to sex. But sex is not the same as rape. I suppose one could qualify it as rape since the girls are there against their will. But it is hard (in my opinion) for this to be qualified as "rape fantasy" when the message is clearly highly anti-rape. There is an attempted rape in the film, and the man nearly gets knifed for his troubles. Maybe the end result doesn't matter, and rape fanatics get off on the thought of rape itself, no matter the outcome, but I still think that this movie would make a poor case for a "rape fantasy" lover's dream.

The computer graphics are used to great success here, mainly in BabyDoll's imagined warrior world, but also in the opening scenes before she is taken to the asylum, a scene which in itself is a work of art. The shot of the button spinning on the floor is so pointless, yet gorgeously done.

Another high point is the film's soundtrack. Every single song was wonderful, and has me dying to go out and buy the cd.


The movie was definitely no masterpiece, but it was highly enjoyable. I would definitely recommend it, unless you are a person (like my father) who needs your movies to be classically good. This is definitely no more than a piece of good old rock 'em sock 'em, though very lovely to look at, cinema. (Watch for John Hamm's cameo....definitely a much appreciated moment in the film.)


Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us... and at the same time sings that we'll never die? Who teaches us what's real... and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us... and who holds the key that can set us free? It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight.

Mao's Last Dancer: Before you can fly, you have to be free.

Today, at long last, I watched 'Mao's Last Dancer'. I say "at long last" because I've had this movie on request for several months. The reviews for the film had been quite good, and while I never depend on reviews, I do take them into account, so I'd had high hopes for the film. I was not disappointed. Quite the contrary, it was far better than I had expected, which was saying something.

The film is based on the autobiography of Chinese dancer Li Cunxin. At the age of 11, Li was picked from a poor Chinese village by Madame Mao's cultural delegates and taken to Beijing to study ballet. In 1979, he was chosen by a cultural exchange program to visit a ballet company in Houston Texas. While there, he fell in love with an American dancer named Elizabeth. At the end of his stay in America, he had decided he didn't wish to return to China. He and Elizabeth got married, but the Chinese consolute refused to accept this. Li's struggle turns into an all-out battle, the Chinese government against Li and his wife, friends, lawyer, and the support of the people of America.

This film was lovely to look at. I don't believe I have ever watched a full ballet in my life, but I couldn't get enough. Chi Cao, who plays Li, dances with such grace and passion that it is impossible to take your eyes off him. But more than that, this film is inspiring. In the beginning, Li does not want to dance. As a child, he is happy to go to Beijing, an experience no one in his peasant village is likely to share in. But dancing itself is not an activity he enjoys. Not until his teacher, Mr. Chan, shares with him a love of Baryshnikov and thus, a joy of dance. He leaves for America and learns to truly feel free.

The ending left me in tears. I haven't cried at a film in a long time. I can't remember the last time I actually cried at a movie, and this one had me close to bawling.

LotR: Fellowship of the Ring

Not sure how many people are aware, but Lord of the Rings is being released on BlueRay, and this means its returning to theatres for one night and one night only. That means one night per film, not one night for all three films. That would be a bit ridiculous. Though a few of us have done it before. I think it was only myself, Drea, Karen, Amy, and Duana. I'm not sure. And we were all RIDICULOUSLY slap-happy by the end of it. Orc hickeys.

Needless to say, I flipped out when I found out. I bought my tickets immediately, and have had them for approximately a month. Tuesday, June 14th was the night of the first film, Fellowship of the Ring. And it was not just the movie....it was the EXTENDED EDITION. Plus, I do believe that the BluRay edition has even more added footage. I don't think I need to tell you that I was in my glory.

Jess, Meg, and Dave were all there with me. And we were all obnoxious. Luckily, I think JRR Tokien would have no problem with our mockery (despite my great love for the books and films, I still make tons of jokes). CHRISTOPHER Tolkien would be ripshit pissed, but he's sort of a twatwaffle.

The only problem I had with it was that it could have started a little earlier. To get out of the movies around 11 is a bit late. I mean, the Best Picture Showcase every winter gets out around 11, but I always make sure I don't have to work the day after, and I also sleep in my own bed. This time, I slept over Meg's/Dave's, and had work at 10. Its not as if that's early, but I didn't sleep well. Not anyone's fault.....I just don't always sleep well in beds that aren't my own, and this was one of those nights.

But the film was, as always, EPIC, so it was alllll worth it. Can't wait for the 21 and the 28, when I'll see Two Towers and Return of the King.

Ranma 1/2

Ranma 1/2 was the first manga I chose to review for this blog. You will notice that no review has yet been posted. This is because I am LAZY.

Not lazy about reading. I finished Ranma 1/2 a few months ago. I'm just extremely lazy about posting.

Ranma 1/2 is 36 volumes. One of the reasons I chose it was because our library had the entire series and I really wanted to read and review a complete series, not just a few volumes. Originally, I was hesitant about Ranma 1/2, because I've never been a fan of the art style of the author, Rumiko Takashi. However, as I read more and more, I really began to love it. She has an incredibly unique style. You can tell immediately when you see Ranma 1/2, Inuyasha, or Maison Ikkou, that Takahashi is the creator.

The storyline is simple, but fun: Ranma, a teenage boy, went with his father to some hot springs in China for martial arts training. However, the hot springs were cursed. When a person falls into one of the pools, he is cursed to transform whenever doused with cold water into whatever person/thing drowned in that pool.
Unfortunately for Ranma and his father, Genma, they both fall into two separate pools. This turns Genma into a panda, and Ranma into a girl.

The big problem lies in the fact that Genma has promised Ranma's hand in marriage to his friend Soun Tendo, who can marry Ranma off to whichever of his three daughters he should choose. Ranma gets paired off with the martial arts-loving tomboy Akane, and the two are immediately at each others' throats constantly.

Ranma's and Akane's relationship would seem to be one-note...they quarrel mostly, and sometimes they quarrel to hide the fact that they actually do care for one another. There are sweet notes to their relationship, little moments where you can see their feelings blossoming. The relationship between Ranma and Akane is one of the best I've read in a manga in a while, one of the sweetest I've seen since the manga Mars...though it's a subtle sweetness.

Sometimes Ranma 1/2 gets bogged down with a plethora of 'guest stars'....Ranma himself has a handful of suitors who just won't stop trying to break his engagement with Akane....but usually, this settles well into the storyline, and doesn't become overbearing.

The final story arc, with the inhabitants of Ho'o Peak, was a little hokey for my taste. I felt that winged people went a bit too far into the fantasy genre. Then I remembered that I was reading a book about a boy who magically transforms into a girl, and told myself to chill out and go with the flow.

I did feel that the last volume felt a bit rushed, but over all, this was a wonderful manga. The storyline is terrific, the characters (even when there are too many) are varied and interesting. Ranma him/herself immediately got added to my future cosplay list, and I began watching the anime. I definitely recommend it! (Be prepared for nudity!)

Who needs crack when you have 'Hetalia'?

So, after approximately an hour negotiating with the internet (with very little success) to let me sign into my gmail account so I could actually update this damn blog for once, it finally stopped bitching and cooperated.  Of course, the one time I actually WANT to update it, my account has a problem with the cookies on my computer.  Why are they even CALLED that?

ANYway, I've been stuck home with a cold.  Well, not just a cold.  A cold AND strep throat.  Leave it to me, right?  Friday night I kept waking up with a sore throat, so I knew it was coming, and only today did I start feeling somewhat decent.  Thank God for penicillin.

Due to this cold, I've had nothing to do but read and watch tv and sleep.  I've felt too terrible to get out of bed unless its to lay on the couch. Thus, I've had plenty of time to waste spend watching anime. I watched 8 episodes of 'Black Butler' (still not sure how I manage that many, but I'm determined to stick it out.....review to come later) and (here comes the pretty disgusting part) 28 episodes of 'Hetalia'.

Before you regard me with TOTAL disgust, the episodes are only 17 minutes long, including intro/theme song, so its easy to fit in a lot more than a regular anime that runs 25-35 minutes.

And, as I said, 'Hetalia' is equivalent to crack.

The first episode begins with America (as I'm sure everyone knows, the characters are countries) loudly proclaiming that the best way to stop global warming is to have a giant man protect the earth in his arms (think Atlas). I remember very little after that. The remaining 16 minutes passed in a blur, with me sitting there, my face looking (I imagine) somewhat like this O.O

However, I couldn't for the life of me resist watching a second episode. And the way that the story began weaving together was wonderful. It was a combination of WWII history, ethnic jokes (mostly at the expense of Italy, much to my amusement, since I'm a 1/4 Italian), and a TON of bullshitting.

I can't remember the last time I laughed so much. I would definitely encourage everyone to watch this show.

The Axis- Italy, Germany, and Japan

The Allies- (left to right, in back) France, Russia (in front, left to right) America, England, China

Oscar night!

Its finally here!  *sound fanfare*

I just finished preparing for the Oscar party at Meg's and Dave's.  I've been baking all morning.  I have a food item for every Oscar movie (except two.  One I left at home and the other I ended up not being able to get to the store to pick up).
The menu is as follows:
The Black Swan:  black&whites
The Fighter: shepard's pie (whoo, Irish pride!)
Inception: chocolate dreams
The Social Network:  mini pizzas (appropriate college food)
The King's Speech:  scones (going British)
127 Hours: trail mix
Winter's Bone: buffalo wings (this one I looked up online.  I hadn't seen the movie yet and couldn't think of anything.  The person went off of the scene with the girl hunting squirrels and said, rather than find squirrel recipes, she was just going with chicken wings.  So, not having seen the movie yet, I followed her thoughts.)
Toy Story 3: candy (hey, its a kids movie.  Kids like candy)
The Kids are All Right: (this is one that I couldn't get the food for.  I was going to get strawberries b/c first of all, the film is very organic in nature, and secondly, there is mention of strawberries in particular in that one line that I need not get into here lol)
True Grit: (the other movie I don't have food for, which is sad, because this is the film that sparked the idea in the first place.  Mom and I joked that for the party, I should get jerk for this film, and then I suggested doing food for each film.  So there IS jerky, it is just sitting at home.  Alas.)

Yesterday was my second day at the movies.  AMC Cinemas does a Best Picture Showcase where you can go and see all of the films nominated for best picture, all in a row.  Now, seeing as it is ten pictures, it is split between two days.  Last year I only was able to go one of the days, but this year I went both.  I'm really glad about that, for I think I have a really good handle on who/what is going to win each award.  We'll see.^^

I'm personally really sure that King's Speech will win Best Picture.  If it doesn't, it's a travesty.  That was by far the best picture.  It was not only good dramatically, but it was witty, it was funny, the dialogue was wonderful, each character had wonderful depth and emotion.  You really got lost in that film.

Here is the order in which I rate the films:
1.The King's Speech
2. The Fighter
3. Inception
4. True Grit
5. Black Swan
6. 127 Hours
7. The Kids Are All Right
8. The Social Network
9. Winter's Bone
10. Toy Story 3       I'm sorry, its not a bad film, but it does NOT belong on this list.  At ALL.  If any animated film this year belonged on this list, it was Tangled.  I saw Tangled four times, and it never stopped making me feel.  Making me laugh, making me squirm (the scene when they are trapped in the cave), filling me with hope, longing....what the characters felt, I felt as well.  That movie brought back the old Disney magic.  Toy Story 3 (in my opinion) doesn't compare.  And if "I See the Light" doesn't win Best Original Song, I will be very angry.  ESPECIALLY if Randy Neuman wins again.  That man drives me insane.  Seriously.

I think Darren Aronofsky should win for 'Black Swan', though the Coen brothers are my second choice, for 'True Grit'. 

Best Actor should (I think obviously) go to Colin Firth for 'King's Speech'.  My second choise is Jeff Bridges for 'True Grit'.  I REALLY wish they hadn't been nominated in the same year, for Jeff Bridges was AMAZING.  I'd give them both one if I could.  Not that I'm in charge.

Best Actress, as much as I can tell, since I didn't see two of the nominees (Nicole Kidman in 'Rabbit Hole' and Michelle Williams in 'Bule Valentine') should go to Natalie Portman in 'Black Swan'.

Best Supporting Actress?  No question.  Melissa Leo for 'The Fighter'.  That woman was INTENSE.

Now, the categories that 'Inception' will (I believe) sweep: Art Direction, Cinematography, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing, Visual Effects.  If it doesn't get the majority of these, then the academy members are on crack.  Just saying.


There are several categories that are hard for me to judge because I haven't seen the movies involved.  Most of them aren't films widely released.  These are categories like "Short Live Action Film" and "Animated Short".  Usually I take a wild guess.

For Animated Short, I'm going with the only one I saw: 'Day and Night', which was by Pixar, and was actually really really cute.  Started slow, but was very well done and had a cute storyline.

For Live Action Short, I'm going to guess..............God of Love.  Because I like its title ahahaha.  Usually, I've at least HEARD of one of the movies nominated, so I go with that one, but this year, I know none of them.  So that's how its going to be.  I'm going with the one with the title I like most.  Although I also really like 'Wish 143' so we'll split the guess.  If that's allowed.  I feel like that's cheating.  Eh.

Best Film Editing goes to '127 Hours'.  I think that's a pretty good guess.  Usually film editing is hard for me, too, but this film was really nicely done.  'Black Swan' made me sort of second guess this decision, so if anyone beats '127 Hours' I think it'll be 'Black Swan', but I think '127 Hours' will take the award.

Makeup?  no idea.  The only film I'm familiar with in this category is 'The Wolfman' so I'm going with that. Plus, if you look up the other films on imdb, it looks like their makeup is more realistic style.  Though that's never stopped the academy before.

For Foreign Film, I'm really not sure.  I've only seen one if them, and it was literally one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen.  It was called 'Dogtooth' and is from Greece.  I'm glad I saw it, but seriously....so very very strange.  If you ever want to watch it....consider yourself warned.  Bizarre.  But I will vote with 'Biutiful', since Javier Bardem earned an Oscar nod for his performance in it.

Best Documentary?  Ohhhh man.  Once again, I only saw one, but that was all I needed to see to know it will win.  'Exit Through the Gift Shop.'  AMAZING.  Everyone watch this.  Its about street art and its so fucking good.  And assholes get pwned.  XD

For Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) I think 'The Social Network' will probably win.  Either that or '127 Hours' but 'Social Network' has been getting more hype and better reviews, so its more likely it will win.
For Best Writing (Original Screenplay) I think 'The King's Speech' will win.  It really should.  Both the dramatic and humorous bits are just so fluid.  Its really such a great movie.

Soundtrack?  Personally I feel 'How to Train Your Dragon' should win.  We'll see.  'Inception' was good.  I personally liked 'HTTYD' better, but we'll see.

Best Documentary (Short Feature) I once again have no idea.  So we'll go with 'Warriors of Quigang'.  Once again, because I like the sound of it.  XD

And that's it!  Hope everyone enjoys the show as much as I do!^^